May 5
Dear Abby
I'm a Mighty warrior who travels with his two women sidekicks. For the longest time, I've loved one of them, or at least I thought I did. All of a sudden, I noticed I was having feelings for someone else -- not just anyone, but a God. Well, the problem is that this God doesn't even know I exist. Well, I think he's conscious of the fact that I exist, it's just that he always pays more attention to X... Zona, one of my sidekicks (not the one I thought I loved, even thought she's pretty hot herself). How do I make him notice me without wanting to blast me into a million pieces?
JTM
In most of the world's religions, people pray to their chosen God every day, and they rarely receive any response. It is often believed that their prayers are answered by indirect signs. My advice is to look into your heart and I'm certain you will see a sign that your God has answered your prayers.
Abby
Dear Abby
In my last letter, I tried to tell you about my obsession with a God, but you misunderstood and thought I meant religion. I do not mean religion. I am falling for a God from Olympus who thinks I'm nothing but a fool! In fact, now I can think of nothing but this God. I'm practically obsessed by visions of his hot muscled body wrapped in tight leather, undressing me with his... Sorry about that. How do I make him love me?
JTM
I must admit your letter worried me. As most of modern civilization knows, the ancient myths and legends of Rome and Greece are nothing but fiction. Unless you can cure yourself of these delusions, I believe it will not be long until you are deemed unfit for society and are entered into a mental institution. My best piece of advice is to seek professional help.
Abby
May 19
Dear Abby
You think you're so smart, don't you. The Greek Gods do exist. I should know, I've not only met several of them, but I've also been under some of their spells (don't get me started on Aphrodite and Bliss). Why should I listen to the advice of someone who doesn't even know that? And what's with the crack about the mental place? Do you often give advice by insulting those that ask for your help?
JTM
You are obviously a very disillusioned individual. Please seek help.
Abby
A special note to JTM:
If you do not stop writing to me, I will be forced to place a restraining order against you. This is my last response to you. GO SEEK HELP!!!
Abby
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