The three friends were setting up their camp for the night. The mighty (or not-so-mighty) warrior paced as he steeled himself. Tonight was the night.
"Gabby?"
The blonde rolled her eyes. "Yes, Joxer?"
"May I speak to you alone for a moment?"
The blonde looked at her beautiful companion, and both women smirked. "All right."
Joxer led her a little ways away from the camp so that they could speak in private. He cleared his throat and began the speech he'd been preparing all day.
"Gabby Umm, Gabrielle, I've had feelings for you a long time now. In fact, I love you, and I was hoping you could find some place in your heart to let me prove that to you, and that maybe one day you could feel the same way."
He breathed in and out, almost hyperventilating, but strangely relieved that he had finally said out loud what was in his heart. He patiently waited for his true love to answer him.
"Joxer, I'm flattered. Really I am. But, I love someone else."
Joxer opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped by a shout back at the campfire. "Ares, what do you want?!" Joxer and Gabrielle ran back to see what the God of War wanted with their friend.
"Xena, I want what I've always wanted: you at my side."
"Ares, I've told you a million times. I've left my warlord days behind me."
"I don't care about that! I don't want the Warrior Princess; I want Xena, the woman I love."
Xena's eyebrows rose at his pronouncement. Gabrielle came over to her side and whispered in her ear. Xena first looked at the bard, then Joxer, then back to Gabrielle. She nodded, then turned so that she could see both men.
"Ares, I'm in love with someone else. Joxer, we've been waiting to talk to you about this because we didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it seems the time has come to come clean. Gabrielle and I are in love and are lovers."
Xena looked at both men. While the dropping of Ares' jaw satisfied her, the look of anguish on Joxer's face broke her heart. She turned to her lover. "Gabrielle, maybe we'd better go settle somewhere else for the night. I think Joxer needs some time to himself." Gabrielle nodded. The women gathered their things and left to make camp elsewhere.
Joxer felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He made his way to a large log by the campfire and sat, his face falling into his hands.
Ares was in shock. HIS warrior princess, in love with that annoying bard! He was worried his legs may not hold out for long, so he made his way over to sit next to Joxer on the log.
"I just don't believe it."
"Me neither."
"How dare she do this to me?!"
"The bitch."
"After all I've done for her: helping her with Illusia"
"Selling my father's scabbard"
"Letting her leave my service without killing her"
"Letting her twist my nose"
"And now I'm all alone."
"As usual."
"Even Herc has that annoying sidekick of his."
"Autolycus has his mirror."
"Nebula's got her entire crew."
"Sal's got his money."
"And what have I got?" They said in unison.
Ares turned to look at Joxer at the same time as Joxer turned to look at him. Ares raised his eyebrows and shrugged to himself.
"You know, Joxer, I recently heard this interesting expression. It goes, 'if you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with'."
Joxer became pensive as he considered the expression. Ares grew impatient and pulled the man to him, kissing him full on the lips. When he pulled away from Joxer, Ares had a whole new appreciation for the wanna-be warrior.
"Why don't we continue this somewhere more comfortable?"
Joxer leered at him. "Whatever you say, Ares."
--From "Love the One You're With" - I can't remember who sings it.
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