The warrioress, mounted on her steed, broke through the forest. She stopped at the sight of the funeral pyre floating on the lake, its flames lighting up the night sky. She looked up and down the water's edge until she saw the figure she was looking for. She dismounted, tying her horse to a nearby tree, and made her way to the man.
As she passed the water, she looked down at her reflection. Her once blonde hair was now streaked with grey. She absently placed a hand on the weapon at her side, stroking the circular weapon in an attempt to build her courage. "It's been so long," she whispered to herself. She looked back up toward the man she'd come to see. "Too long."
After several steadying breaths, her feet finally responded to her brain's commands, and within moments she was standing next to the man, watching the pyre burn.
"I'm so sorry." She spoke the words so softly she'd thought he hadn't heard them, but after a few seconds he turned towards her.
"Gabrielle? Is it really you?" His tear-filled eyes grew wide as he took in the woman standing beside him. She noticed how red and puffy they were.
"Yes, it's me. I came as soon as I heard." She tried to read his body language for some clue as to how to act around him, but he simply stood in shock.
"Thank you. We tried to come to see you when we heard about..."
"It's all right. I know, and I appreciated the gesture, but I needed to be with the Amazons."
He nodded.
"You really loved him, didn't you."
"Yes." As he spoke the word, his voice broke and another wave of tears overtook him. As his body shook with sobs, Gabrielle did the only thing she could think of; she reached up and hugged him close to her until his sobs died away.
"Shh, it's okay. It's hard to lose someone you love so much."
His tears died away with a final sniff and he pulled away from her. "Are you here just for the night?"
"I'm here however long you need me to be."
"Really?"
She nodded. "Really."
He spent several moments looking into the face that had once been his whole world. "We-I have an extra room. You're welcome to stay with me."
"I'd love to. Just let me go get Amber and we can head back together."
"Is she still around?"
"Yeah. She's like you, Joxer. Neither of you have ever let me down."
* * *
Joxer poured the tea into the cups and brought them to the table, setting one in front of Gabrielle.
"Are you sure you don't want anything for it?"
"I'm fine. Now sit down."
"All right."
Joxer sat, and for a few moments there was nothing but silence. Finally, Gabrielle spoke some of the thoughts that were on her mind.
"Joxer, do you feel up to talking about him, you, the last ten years?"
"Has it really been that long?" She nodded. "Wow. Time goes by so fast. Anyway, what would you like to know?"
"Well, we lost touch after..."
"Yeah, I remember. The two of you must have thought I was such a jerk."
"We understood. You felt hurt, betrayed."
"Well, yeah. But I think I could have dealt with things better if I'd found out in a different way."
Gabrielle blushed at the memory.
"And I meant what I said, Gabrielle. I'm so sorry we couldn't make it. We both wanted to be there, for her and for you."
"It's okay. Tell me about the two of you. How did you first get together?"
"Well, after I left you and Xena, I didn't know where to go so I wandered around until I finally came across a small town. I can't even remember the name. Anyway, I walk into this tavern, and who should I meet there but the King of Thieves himself."
Joxer's eyes glazed over slightly as he was lost in memories. "He was celebrating some great steal of his, and so I invited myself to his table. Well, he tried to finish his drink as fast as he could, then he left me there. But you know me. I went out the door after him, saying he could use a good assistant, someone to watch his back."
Joxer laughed. "I followed him down this alley, when all of a sudden, Jett comes out of nowhere. Well, to make a long story short," he paused at Gabrielle's laugh, "I convinced Jett not to kill Auto, then I convinced Auto he owed me, so he let me tag along for a while. I'd always thought him really arrogant and all that, but after a while I got to know the real him. I guess it was the same for him. I can't quite remember when things actually changed between us, but they did."
"And you were happy."
"Yes. I never once asked him to give up stealing, and he never asked me to give up my dream of being a warrior."
"He didn't? But I thought..."
"I gave it up myself."
She nodded solemnly. "When Xena and I heard about the two of you from Iolaus, we were happy for you. I've always thought you deserved to be happy."
"Thanks. How have you been since Xena..."
"I've been all right. I've been spending lots of time with the Amazons." She noticed that he was a little distracted and looking down at his hands. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I miss him, Gabby. I miss him so much."
She reached out her hand to hold his.
"I understand. I still miss Xena. But you know what?" He finally looked up at her. "I've missed you too."
He took a shaky breath and his hand tightened in hers. "You know, I've never stopped loving you." Her eyes widened slightly at the revelation. "That doesn't mean I loved Auto any less. I loved him more than I knew was in me. But, my love for you never faded."
She reminded herself to breathe as she saw the look in his eyes. They were filled with such sorrow, but also with such love. She gulped. "You know, about a year or so after you left, I started waking up to a lot of things. I missed you so much, and that forced me to look at everything the three of us had been through." She took a deep breath before she continued. "I had no right to treat you the way I did. I'm so sorry."
"It's in the past."
"Is our friendship?"
He smiled a small, tired smile. It was the first that had appeared on his face in over a week. "Of course not. You're here now, aren't you?" She smiled back at him, and they sat just like that for several minutes until Joxer broke the silence. "I don't know about you, but I've had a long day. Would you like me to show you to your room?"
She nodded as he rose from his seat. She followed as he walked down the hall, and finally stopped next to a bedroom door. "You can stay here as long as you wish."
"Thank you, Joxer." Gabrielle hugged Joxer down to her, wishing he weren't going through the pain he was feeling. When he pulled back, she kept her hands on his shoulders, and looked into his face. It was ten years older, but it would always be Joxer. She brought up a hand to cup his cheek, and his eyes closed as he leaned into her touch. She raised on the tips of her toes to place a kiss on his lips.
Right before their lips touched, he pulled away and held her hands away from him. "I'm sorry, Gabby. I just can't do this. Not now."
"I'm the one who should be sorry. This is the last thing you need right now. I just never think before I do these things."
He looked down to where his hands still held hers and his eyes filled with tears. "I'll see you in the morning, all right?"
"Okay. Come get me if you need anything."
He nodded. "Good night, Gabby."
"Good night, Joxer."
She watched his back as he walked away towards the room he's shared with Autolycus. She finally turned into her room, mentally beating herself up. What had she been thinking? Here he was, grieving for his dead lover, and she tries to kiss him. *I just wanted to comfort him, to give him something to hold on to.* She sighed as she prepared for bed. From now on, she would help him in any way possible. She would start tomorrow with breakfast... perhaps she would make it lunch. She would make up for every nose pinch, ear pull, and staff swing she ever inflicted on him.
After all, now he was all she had.
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