*Flick*
Nothing. There was absolutely nothing interesting happening in the world. Ares growled as he pressed another button on the object in his hand, watching as the scene on the scrying mirror changed.
*Flick*
Still nothing. Ares raised his hand as if to strike something.
"Ares, in a bad mood, as always."
The God looked up at the doorway to his bedroom from the mattress on which he sat and groaned. Why did Hercules and his little pet always show up whenever he was in one of these moods? If it weren't for the fact that they were *both* immortal now, he'd have thought they'd had a death wish.
"What do you want? I'm busy."
"Oh, we see that." Hercules dropped himself onto one side of the mattress and Iolaus hopped onto the other. The demi-God spotted the object in Ares' hand and quirked an eyebrow. "Hey, what's this?"
"It's mine. God-stuff, and..." Ares trailed off as Hercules grabbed the black object and started examining it. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing good on anyway. It's been broken for a while."
"Are you sure?" Iolaus piped up. "It looks fine to me. The mirror's showing... something at least."
"Yeah, but it doesn't show what I want it to show. It keeps flickering around between the past, present, and the future."
"Well," Hercules said, "let's see what we can do here." With a shrug, he banged the side of the object, then pointed it at the mirror.
**Flick**
Flickering candles lit the dark, dank room. A robed figure walked in a doorway and approached the table where a woman's body had been prepared. He let his eyes take in the sight of the naked red-headed woman, her hair spread in a halo around her face. Her wrists and ankles were bound to the table, and her bountiful chest heaved with the effort she put into testing her bonds.
The man ran a finger along one stretched-out arm and down the woman's side, relishing the gasp that was a mixture of fear and excitement. He knew he would enjoy this 'session.'
"You are mine, woman. Tell me who the other conspirators are."
"Never! You can do whatever you want with me, Caesar, but I'll never talk!"
He reached out and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. "You will talk, Oshun. You will tell me everything, and you will love having betrayed your companions."
Caesar approached another nearby table and retrieved a coiled whip. With a flick of his wrist, it uncoiled and he swung it as he approached the bound woman.
*Snap* "Talk!"
*Sob* "Never!"
*Snap* "I said talk, or I'll keep this up!"
*Sob* "Never. You can torture me as much as you want, as long as you want, for any amount of time..." The woman momentarily forgot what point she was trying to make. "But I won't tell you a thing!
**Flick**
"Hey! I was enjoying that!" Ares cried out.
Iolaus rolled his eyes as he retrieved the object from Hercules' shaking hands. "I think it was a little too much for you, huh big guy. Here, let's see what I can find." Iolaus shook the object, banged it once on the side, then pointed it at the mirror and pressed a button.
**Flick**
Bright light and laughter filled the busy barroom. Every man in the room was enjoying a good drink and watching the scantily clad women who bustled throughout the room -- every man except one.
One lone man sat in the back corner, nursing a mug of ale. Any warrior in the bar who might have been tempted to pick on the man for his obvious lack of taste in clothing was turned away by the expression on the man's face. Though no tears were in his eyes, he was obviously in mourning.
A pair of women stood to the side, watching the man and speaking in hushed tones. Finally, the elder woman pushed her younger employee in the man's direction. The brunette pushed her long, curly hair behind her ear as she settled on the bench next to the man, rearranging her blouse so that it showed the most cleavage. She laid a hand on the man's shoulder.
"Meg told me about what happened," the brunette said in a lilting accent. "I'd like to help."
"There's nothing you can do. She's gone. The woman I love is dead at the bottom of some abyss and my best friend has disappeared. Nothing will ever be all right again."
The brunette snaked an arm around the man's waist and lay her head on his shoulder. After a while, his breaths grew more ragged and she feared he would break down in the middle of the bar. She stood and grabbed his mug.
"Why don't we go upstairs, away from the crowd. We can talk, drink, whatever you want."
The man reluctantly nodded and followed the woman to a room upstairs. She helped him remove his 'armour' and his shirt, then led him over to the bed to lie down. She cradled the man in her arms as he finally allowed the pent-up tears to fall.
"It's all right to be sad, Joxer. I'm here for you."
"Thank you..." he mumbled from her bosom.
"Joey. Just call me Joey."
*Sniff* "I think I'll call you my guardian angel."
**Flick**
"Enough of that sap!" Ares shouted as he grabbed the box from Iolaus' hand. He turned rapidly to fiddle with the box, surreptitiously wiping away a tear that had threatened to fall and ruin his reputation as the Big Bad God Of War. "Here, I think I've finally got it." He pointed the box at the mirror and pressed a button.
**Flick**
A dark horse stood atop a grassy knoll. It's gleaming coat was perfectly groomed, as was its rider. The black boots had been perfectly polished until the rider could see his own reflection. The dark navy pants, designed for a prolonged stay on horseback, were perfectly pressed and the yellow stipes along the legs were perfectly aligned. The immaculate red tunic and it's accessories were perfectly placed. Finally, the brown hat sat on his head at a perfect angle, shading his eyes from the sun. His reddish-gold locks were pulled back into a pony tail. With a sense of pride, he knew he reflected the best of the RCMP.
He gazed down upon his destination and urged his steed into a gallop. He could already hear the whistle of a nearby train and knew he wouldn't have long to save the life of the lady he was sent to protect.
He stopped his horse at the railroad tracks and dismounted, heading straight for the side of the woman who'd been tied to the metal girders. Her long blonde hair swung as she struggled to free herself, her ample breasts heaving with exhaustion. He quickly untied the bonds, picked the woman up into his arms, and mounted his trusty steed. The two were far from the tracks by the time the train arrived.
The woman cupped his face in her hands and kissed him passionately. "I am Thamiris. Thank you for saving me. What could I ever do to thank you?"
"I am Constable Iphiclos, ma'am, and it was a duty, and a pleasure, to assist you. I require no reward."
The woman kissed him again.
"However..."
**Flick**
"Gargh!" Ares threw the box at the nearest wall. "Next thing you know, they'll be singing that stupid song!" He flopped back against his bed, bored and depressed.
Hercules and Iolaus looked at each other, then at the depressed God. "We can think of a few ways to entertain him, can't we Iolaus?"
"Sure, Herc. Xena's not the only one with many skills."
Both men jumped and started disrobing the War God.
*Ah,* Ares thought. *I love it when a plan comes together.*